Nancy

People die, that is one thing I know to be true. People die, that is one thing I know to be true. People die, that is one thing I know to be true.

And still it strikes as hard as a lightning, and still it miserably surprises people who continue walking around in this life. People die, and the ones alive, mourn. I am not grieving, neither am I willing to shed hypocrite tears, I am not thinking that I will miss her. I mean, I hardly saw her more than three times a year. And I apologize to everyone at the funeral for not wearing the dark cloak, metaphorically, but I did not want any fake feelings there, it would not be respectful. I tried to hug tightly people who needed it, but when I hugged her sister, she didn’t even feel me. She wasn’t there, and she will not come back in a while. I hugged her mom and dad; mom: destroyed in all aspects, dad: destroyed inside. I really can’t imagine the throbbing going on in his heart. I hugged her ex husband (and no, I don’t think he’s guilty), he broke down with every person who hugged him, he was destroyed. And speaking about destruction, I did cry when I finally found out the horrible destruction that took place in her body and soul. Once again life tells me there is no destiny, how can something so evil be meant to be. It can’t!

Nancy, when I saw the bed where you were laying I spoke to you, I know perhaps you had other people to listen to, considering we were not close. And I don’t remember much, but I did know I told you that I didn’t know what had happened to you, but I truly wished you hadn’t suffered. And if you had, I wanted you to give me the honor of shedding one tear in my shoulder, of letting me comfort you. Or perhaps you were not crying, maybe you were smiling peacefully, so I considered this probable option, knowing your spirit, and I told you that instead of tears it could be this rested, peaceful smile which you placed in my shoulder, at least for a second. And I wanted to hug  you tight, you certainly did not deserve this tragic ending, although it is useless to say that because it is so obvious. I hug you now knowing what that bastard did to you, I am angry, and I am terribly sorry for you. 

I am sorry Nancy, for not going to the post ceremony in which your body was meant to head down, with no soul, of course. Your soul is already wherever you believe it goes. I believe it goes to a beautiful, peaceful place, to which you certainly belong; you were a beautiful person. I just hope they find the animal, the stupid animal who tried to extinguish a bright light, but he could not. And really hope they make him pay, for making you suffer. 

Every time I think about what they did to her, I feel awful. It is hell when pictures arise and I imagine how it must have been for you… So I’ll stop myself!

Nancy, I wish I could write something beautiful in tribute to you, something in which I expressed every quality you enforced in your daily life but I cannot do it the way it deserves to be made. 

I just know that Nancy was free, beautiful, nice, responsible, talented, truly talented, both in the scientific area, and in her dancing, which I stupidly never saw. That she had a great set of values, she was a good person, she truly cared for the ones around her, and they cared about her. I remember the time she took my cousin to the mall, where we would meet. She, her ex boyfriend, my cousin, and I talked for a while and I thought she was the coolest person in the mall. And she is, I mean, she lived up to her abilities, they say she never missed work, which she was so passionate about, she did not care at all about what other people thought about her, she enjoyed her life, and everyone who met her ended up liking her a lot! She practiced an unusual religion, considering how strong Christianity is in Guatemala, which just proves the tenacity she had to fight and find what she sincerely believes in, which I am actually striving for right now.

Nancy, I apologize if you disagree with some descriptions about your character, but this is what I think about you, this is what I sense when I think about your personality and your soul. Yes, maybe I’m mistaken, or maybe I never realized these things personally when I you were here. But I don’t mean to lie, I just mean to express the goodness in you and I don’t have specific ways in which you proved to be good person as clear other people in the funeral, who were devastated about your parting (because we were not close), so I just did the best I could. 

And I am really short at words, and I wish I could do more for her, and write beautifully about her. And I wish I could do more for her family; I wish I could hold at least a portion of the pain they’re enduring for it not to be as hard for them, but pain is not to be manipulated like that, no matter how bad we want to.

And all there is left to say, is nothing; it’s just silence and meditation. It’s just the thought of the life she had, although it is tempting to be negative and just think about its tragic ending, which is what makes me really sad. But I am just going to let her beauty and her uniqueness end this messy essay, with a picture containing at least a pinch of her awesomeness.

Nancy <3

A beautiful soul, never dies. It just rises, spreads its wings, and heads to the place to which it belongs.

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