Future

The future, oh what a mysterious friend, or enemy. Does it depend on you, or is it all fate? Does planning help, or does planning only drives towards disappointment? Well I don’t know because the future is yet to come for me. Yes, I am living yesterday’s future but, I just don’t remember what I expected of today; I don’t think I expected anything as a young girl. Now I know I expect tons of things, and great ones, but I also know that I am unable to name them. I simply don’t have specific dreams because I am so confused about what do I want to do, where I want to be, or who I want to be. The “plans” section in my brain is hidden between piles of “doubt” files. My true desire is just an idea, not a tangible energy, which is what it should be. And when 2012, the year in which I have to make one of the biggest decisions in my life and in which it’ll all change for me, is so near, I am forced to know which is my path. But how can I know? I guess I can’t. I think the blurry future will start clearing up, as I start to ask myself the right questions about what I want, and even more, when I start finding answers. Meanwhile I have to ask myself simple questions about my present, or just a near future. I have to concentrate on doing what fulfills me, on searching what career will make me happy, and where I want to study. Even if my mind blocks up when I ask myself questions about leaving Guatemala or about studying design or communications, I know that I have to push through that confusion to be able to make a future for myself.

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