I have always been a sensitive girl, which is why poetry suites me perfectly. I express my feelings either I want it or not; I just can’t control it. So when I found out I am able to put my feelings into words, it became the best way of controlling them. Even though I usually like what I write, I almost never want anyone to see it because, most times, my poetry is too personal. For this reason when I wanted to write something, I never saved it on a word document because any of my family members could see it. So I figured I’d send my poetry to myself on a Facebook inbox, I know, it’s not such a good idea.
Yesterday, I was on Facebook and I got logged out, all of a sudden. The page said I needed to log in again, so I tried to do so. After writing my e-mail and password carefully I pressed the “Log In” button, and it would let me go into my account. It said that my Facebook had been disabled, so I clicked somewhere to see the main reasons why Facebook accounts get incapacitated and learned that mine should not have been disabled. I certainly did not upload any obscene content, neither did I have more than one account, nor did I threatened any other Facebook user. It was just wrong; my Facebook account should not have been disabled. I had done nothing wrong! First I was a little upset because I would have to create a new account and add all of my contacts again, but it was no biggie. But then, I remembered that I had been constantly sending myself pieces of poetry that I had written. I was frustrated, I really was. I thought maybe that frustration would weaken down with time but right now, just one day after, I feel like throwing my damn laptop out through the window. I am really pissed! I feel like screaming or crying (see, I am quite emotional). What will I do know? I cannot re-write those poems again, I just can’t. Facebook is just too stupid, but I guess I am too. I will never again save important documents on sites that can be disabled; now I will always print a copy and store it somewhere safe.
The reason why I’m so upset is because I lost something that I consider is my art. I lost old feelings that I wrote down for a reason. I didn’t lose many poems, but I did lose a few very important ones. For instance, I had written a prose poem about the biggest crush I have had, I was not in love, but that poem bared a part of my soul that is usually very covered up. It was called Another Piece for Him, (it was the third poem, and hopefully the last, that I wrote about him). But it was so much better than the previous two. It was beautiful, it had metaphors, it emanated vulnerability. I’m not saying it was a great poem or that I am a great poet; my point is that it meant a lot to me, and I worked hard to make it perfect. And now it’s lost because my stupid Facebook account decided to suddenly become disabled.
I had also written a couple of poems for God, and about some struggles I’ve had religion-wise. There was another one that was about living your life in a free and joyful manner. I had written one about most feelings I’ve had during my current stage of my life, it was titled “What I’m Doing”, and that is also lost forever.
So now I want to express the tiny, tiny bright-side I can hardly see from this awful situation. It’s just advice for myself and to any other writer that might see this, even if it’s just one person, because not many people read my blog. Don’t save your important poems, essays, or whatever, in the internet. Not even in WordPress because you never know when an account can be accidentally closed or disabled. Maybe I’m just too dramatic, but I really don’t think anyone wants to lose literary works in which they express important feelings.